Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
