I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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