She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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