if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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