it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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