I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
