At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize