??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
