so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
