Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
