I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
