No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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