The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
