one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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