Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize