Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's shark week go big or go home
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
