you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
