What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
