probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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