There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
