Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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