I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
