dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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