No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
