Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
