Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
