$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
