Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
