Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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