Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
