For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dicks are not precious.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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