i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
