i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
