"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
