I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
