he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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