so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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