the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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