What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
