is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
