Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
