She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize