I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
