hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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