i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
