I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
