I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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