Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
