i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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