Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
