need another drink. this is the easiest way
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
