I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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