Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So many bounce houses so little time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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