I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can I color on your dick again?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
