I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
