I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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