I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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