I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
