Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
