Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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