after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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