I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
