With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
