We're facebook friends in real life
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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