His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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