38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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