I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
