She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we made out on top of his cat.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
