Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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