sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
