If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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