and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
