So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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