i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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