Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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