I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
