anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
