i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
