I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
