Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
