at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
