Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
