no, he came in my armpit
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
