I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
