Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
