perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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