It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
