this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
