your thong is hanging out like whoa
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
