drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
