Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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