Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
