I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize