Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
