you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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