did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
