i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
