At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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